How a 32-year old is learning swimming, singing and sleeping

Swimming, singing and sleeping. 

These are the 3 words Precious S is saying really often these days. And she is all about delicious action, not mere words. 

SWIMMING

A takes S out swimming over weekends and she simply loves it. In fact she demands it every other day. She loves her special daddy-time, her neon pink polka-dot swimsuit (I swear, it's so bright, it's almost blinding), the feel of splashing water all around and most importantly- the act of kicking, which she does with 100% enthusiasm.

Spot the daddy-daughter duo.
Sigh! Don't you just love the blue-y blue of swimming pools?

I usually tag along, doing my own beach whale act in the corner. Thing is, I don't really know how to swim. I never learnt how to as a kid. I mean, I can survive swimming the breadth of a pool...but ask me to swim the length and my stomach turns into an octopus with knotted feet. 

Imagine these feet knotting up in my belly

Somehow my maternal instinct has kicked in for swimming too - I ask myself what I would do if S needed rescuing in the pool when she is swimming. 

What if she gets a leg cramp?
What if when she is a cute teenager, some shady boy tries to start a slimy conversation with her and I need to quickly rescue her in the deep end?
What if she wants her mom to be cool enough to go swimming with her and not be a random "Oh I'm too old for all this" type of traditional mom?

Anyway, while thinking those random positive thoughts, I realize I can't be left behind and need to catch up with my 18-month old daughter. The good thing is that I tag along and splash about in the pool, regaining confidence to 'swim'. 
Or at least look cool enough to not freak out and need rescuing in 3 feet of water. 

SINGING

S has taken to singing these days and bursts into err...'song?' at every opportunity. Her expressions and intonations while she sings are absolutely priceless. She throws in all energy and effort into the most intense expressions I've ever seen. 

Eyebrows raised, head turned slightly upwards, she makes a perfect O with her mouth and sings 

Aaaaa....aaaaaaaaaaaa...aa....aaaaaaaaaaa...aa..aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

I appreciate music in a naive, base instinct type of way but have no idea how to 'teach' her any sort of music. Not that an 18-month old needs to be strumming a guitar or listening to Bach all the time...but I would surely love to expose her to different types of musical fun. Bollywood, Carnatic music, Western classical, hip hop, basically anything that isn't just nursery rhyme. 

Thus, am expanding my horizons in search of pure music. 

SLEEPING

I know, I know. I probably shouldn't be pulling S into my bed when she wakes up at 4am. Especially because we end up in this fun 6am position with her bottom smothering my face. 

Inspirational pictures from this blog

I'm learning to sleep in spurts these days, because we are in the start of Fall season = Flu season and S invariably wakes up at random hours of the night demanding mommy. After a few exhausting and unproductive days, I ditched my habit of going to sleep at a consistent time everyday and just started sleeping whenever the urge hits. 

The luxury of working on my own terms. aaahhhh!

A list for new moms

Check: 10 fingers, 10 toes

Have two hands? Well - you're all set to take care of a baby. End of list.

Yes, yes, I do believe that babies need nothing but their loving parents around them the first few months. 

But in today's realistic world, in which babies poop, parents don't live in grass huts and we don't anymore give birth by the riverside listening to a babbling brook, there are some basics that just make life easier during those crazy, overwhelming first few months. More so when you are someone who lives in a 'foreign' country and want a mish-mash of multiple cultures and philosophies to child-rearing.

From experience, here is my baby essentials wish-list, rooted in basic needs and contributed to by several of my girlfriends:

We have too many things in brown in our home (including ourselves HAHA) so we got white. Plus, it just screams "baby!" when you buy things in white.

BABY WILL SLEEP Even if you plan to go the desi way and co-sleep right through, it's  comforting to have a safe place to put down the baby and go get that shower.

• Crib: 1 IKEA SUNDVIK white 
• Mattress: 1 IKEA crib mattress 
• Mattress pad: 1 absorbent mattress pad
• Crib sheet: 2 Fitted crib sheets

• Swaddle blankets: If you want the baby to sleep anywhere besides your arms, you better be swaddling! I found Aden and Anais swaddle blankets the best, though some folks I know swear by the ready swaddles such as the miracle blanket

• White noise machine: Essential to use white noise if you have a sensitive baby who wakes up whenever you breathe (politically correct term for fart). Don't waste money on a machine, just get the Sleep Pillow app if you have a smartphone

• An alternative to a crib is a co-sleeper bassinet: The arm's reach co-sleeper is hands down the best. We ended up having the baby right beside us the first 4-5 months and wanted a small unit, something that easily fit into our bedroom. We borrowed our friend's co-sleeper and loved it. 

BONUS! You won't need to banish the husband to the couch just because you want to hear every breath your newborn makes right beside you
DOUBLE BONUS!! Baby might sleep so soundly you might leave baby in the room with husband and move to the couch

This might be more expensive than the crib you want. Beg, borrow or steal this co-sleeper cos baby won't fit in this after ~4 months

BABY WILL TRAVEL

• Car seat: Yawn! Graco snugride rear-facing infant car seat. Safe and boring. I fond car seat shopping SO blah. But this one works. 

Warning: All babies HATE their car seat for the first few weeks and will scream bloody murder when they sit in it. If you are driving with your parents or in-laws in the car, both you and they will be traumatized by the baby-screaming experience. This will cause a rift in the family. You will curse U.S safety laws to death. One day, though, baby will wake up and climb into the car seat with unexplained joy...and you'll want to slap someone. With happiness.

• Stroller: We bought a stroller only after 2-3 months, once we could figure out what we wanted in one. Till then we just used a Graco car seat stroller frame. 

After much debate between the City Mini and UPPA Baby, we splurged and went for a yummy red UPPA Baby Cruz. The 180 degree recline, large basket and light weight was worth every penny - our UPPA baby has been awesome for S's naps on the go on vacation, meal times outdoors and saved my back during grocery time. 

Make sure you get the infant car sear adapter and the parent organizer accessories.

Warning: Denny will quickly become your second baby. You'll want to push it around even without baby in it.

BONUS! I heard somewhere that strollers are the new cars - they add cool factor for dad and ensure that he loves taking the baby out
DOUBLE BONUS!! Mom can veg out and catch-up on mindless trash TV

• Baby carrier: Try to borrow a friend's for the first few days to see which carrier you guys and the baby like best. Our friend MC lent us the Baby Bjorn, it worked for S and we didn't experiment. We also bought a Sleepy Wrap, was great to head out to brunch with a tiny newborn snugly tucked inside the wrap



Free! Lady with wrap

If you're searching for the ideal one for you, check out Babble's super cool research on the best carriers of 2013

• Diaper bag: Diaper Dude for a large option, so dad can carry the big fat bag. Land's end Little tripper for a smaller option

BABY WILL POOP

• Diapers: Pamper, huggies, cloth diapers or nude bums? We just bought Pampers in bulk from amazon because our hospital started us on that and it worked
• Wipes: We just used a damp Bounty because we didn't want chemicals on S's gorgeous tush just yet. We used Pampers sensitive wipes for travel
• Changing sheet/pad: Helps to have a changing pad with a washable cover so baby pee and poop doesn't get all over the place! Someone recommended that we buy a 4-sided pad but I don't think it makes a difference, really
• Diaper rash cream: Desitin
• Vaseline or Aquaphor or Weleda creams: Apply before putting on new diaper

BABY WILL EAT

• Nursing cover: Go wild choosing pretty prints on amazon
• Boppy pillow
• Bottles: I just used the Medela bottles the first few months. S refused to take a bottle after a month or so and I had to buy every single bottle in the market to see which one she liked. I suggest NUK, Medela or Lansinoh bottles if you don't know where to begin
• Bottle brush

MOMMY WILL NEED TO FEEL LIKE A HUMAN NOT COW

• Nursing pajamas: Love the Japanese weekend brand
• Nightgowns: Ask mom or mil to bring you night gowns from India - you know, those shady ones with a long zipper in front - best thing ever if you plan to nurse. 

BONUS! You can always experience the joy of burning them later...
DOUBLE BONUS!! You can rip them apart with your bare hands and then experience the joy of burning them later

• Recliner or rocking chair with ottoman: I couldn't praise the Dutailier rocker-glider more. I have family from India who want to buy and take one back with them

Fake photo alert: See how happy the mamma is, huh? 

• An iPhone: No, really, this phone with headphones saved me those first few weeks of nursing non-stop. I watched movies, wrote emails and read books on the Kindle app. I also threw it on husband A to wake him up when I wanted him to change S's diaper. Hehe!

BABY WILL NOT UN-FRIEND YOU ON FACEBOOK IF YOU DON'T BUY THESE BUT THESE ARE NICE-TO-HAVE SPLURGES THAT MY FRIENDS SWEAR BY

• A stroller with a bassinet option: Nice option because you can step out for a walk, make the baby sleep in the stroller and then bring the stroller bassinet into the bedroom without waking up the baby. If you feel splurgy enough to get a Bugaboo, great! The UPPA baby Vista and Cruz also offer sturdy bassinets as optional accessories. 
• Baby video monitor:  Dropcam. Can see baby from anywhere in the world. No, seriously
• Bouncy seat: Bjorn babysitter balance. Plop baby in it and take to the loo when you are alone at home and gotta go
• Bath tub: Some people use the kitchen sink the first few months then switch to the big tub. I used this baby tub with sling
• First-aid kit: This is actually not just a nice-to-have, it's a must-have. What you want in this depends on how paranoid you are. Ask your doctor and friends for recommendations.

Whew. That was a long post. If you actually made it this far, go ahead and add anything you thought saved your life those first few months. Even your therapist's phone number

How to keep mum

A research study at work revealed that 'new moms' were the most opinionated cohort among all cohorts ever. (Explains why there are so many mommy blogs out there and why P&G is dying to get these mommy bloggers to talk and write about their superior products, huh?). I heard this when I was an exhausted, confused new mom who had just returned to work and was baffled. What - me? New mom - opinionated? No way - I had no clue how to do anything when it came to babies.

Fast forward to a year later and....I really need to learn to keep my mouth shut. Especially when talking to other moms. and ESPECIALLY when we start talking about my favorite topic- baby sleep.
Sleep - or the lack of it - was my state of being for the first nine months of motherhood. S was AWFUL about sleep. Since then, I rolled up my sleeves and decided that I was not going to crib, vent, rant or blame the baby for my sleep deprivation . Not any more. A and I devised a plan and taught S to sleep on her own. and wow, best decision ever. That was the start of teaching our child good sleeping habits. I admit, I tend to be quite fussy/rigid about when, where and how S should sleep and almost NEVER compromise on her sleep.

Now that I've written it loud and clear, am sure the Jinx God will come knocking at my door tonight! Darn.

Anyway - since then, I started to believe that if the mom (usually the primary caregiver) is not disciplined about the baby's sleep, the baby cannot be disciplined and independent about falling asleep on her own. I also started to have a very low tolerance for mom/dad/other well-wisher fatalistic, moralistic, helpless statements such as -
"Children will learn to sleep when they are ready. You need to suck it up now"
"We never slept for the first 2-3 years of our kids' lives so you should not expect to"
"I haven't slept for the past 6 years since I had my daughter"
"I make my child sleep at 10PM but she still wakes up early...I don't know why"
"This is the price of parenthood"
"Let the maid make the baby sleep, I'm done trying"

Of course, baby sleep sucks when the baby reaches new milestones or is unwell. I'm not talking about those exceptions here. I'm talking about a healthy, happy baby who wakes up  at night for no real reason.
Now, when S was born, I understood immediately that all children and unique and different and of course, there is no one formula that fits all. They are not robots. However, since witnessing that teaching S to sleep on her own was the only way we got any sleep and became, therefore, human once again, I've been dying to spread the joy to other sleep-deprived moms. In fact, when other mom friends started calling me for advice, I became more confident that my way was a great way...no...the only way.

Sigh. I need to learn to shut up! When my dear friends comment that they are exhausted and wish they never had kids, I get all worked up and emotional for them and get into my 'Helpful' Sleep Nazi mode = lecture mode. I typically dislike people who moralize, lecture and think there is one way to do things/live life. Sadly, I've observed myself fall in that category when it comes to baby sleep. I'm tired of seeing all my mom friends tired and can see the 'mistakes' they are making when it comes to their baby's sleep.

One fine day, though, I realized that you know what - some moms need to crib just to vent about motherhood. Because motherhood is the hardest job ever. Some moms DO have it harder than others. Some moms have almost no help with the baby and have to plod on alone. They have no village helping them raise their child. and some moms have babies who are fussier than others.

All of us have good days and bad ones. and babies who sleep well and babies who don't. I just need to remember that and accept that if my friends aren't sleeping well, they have a good reason for living that way and it's not my business to 'help' them out.

#nomoreinterfering

Tell me, I'm curious:
When do you find it hardest to keep your mouth shut and not share an opinion?

Typical sleep story in my home