How to make plum jam that quickly disappears

My husband, A, decided to make plum jam on Sunday. I wholeheartedly supported him with words of encouragement and appreciation whenever my mouth wasn't full of delicious plums and jam. Thank you, A.

This is a guest post from the chef himself (with some comments under the pictures from me) - a beginner's guide to making plum jam.

Enjoy. I'm off to lick up some more...

Step 1: Get some plums - preferably sweet and preferably free

Lie in your hammock and wait for plums to appear in June

Stare at the plums and wait for them to ripen

Pluck when the plums are red, not green or yellow. It's fine if they are hard 

Announce a round of family plum picking and enlist resourceful members (Can you see A, who scampered up the tree? My dad is helping him)

Create a family event and get little hands to pick fallen plums

Step 2: Wait - for kids to be asleep, plums to ripen [if not quite sweet per step 1], and spouses to give you a day to just get it done

Wait

Choose

Taste to test

Step 3: Pit the plums - do it alone or enlist one father-in-law to make an assembly line of it. Expect to get your hands squishy, plummy, and quite wet.

Step 4: Boil the plums - with a hint of water added; also separately boil the pits; when done boiling the pits, strain the juice into the plum boil.

Step 5: Hand puree the plums as they boil to get a reasonably even consistency and eliminate big chunks of fruit

Step 6: Walk out to your garden and pluck a lemon from the lemon tree

Step 7: Squeeze fresh lemon juice from your lemon from your lemon tree into the boiling plum mixture.

Step 8: Add cinnamon and sugar to taste - if in doubt, add a lot. This is jam or preserve - sweet is good.

Step 9: Cut an apple [preferably from tree in your garden] and drop the chunks into the boiling plum mixture. Natural pectin (thanks KJ)

Step 10: Keep boiling till everything comes to an even boil, tastes sweet and reasonably thick. Typically about 15 minutes or more. If the jar boils over, let it [the cooled jammy mixture is yummy to taste!]. If the foam bothers you as this mixture boils, add some butter and the foam vanishes.

Boil

Step 11: Pour this hot mixture into sterilized mason jars / cans and follow instructions to seal and store.

Sterilized

Delicious

Side profile is just as gorgeous

Step 12: For any jar filled, you can either give it to someone, eat it yourself, or give it to your kids to gobble up. [Half a pint per meal seems to be the going rate with our kids]

To get some sterilized mason jars/cans, boil the germs out of them for at least 10 minutes. Cool them down without touching them by hand.
[If you cannot do this, then be prepared to eat all the plum jam you can in one sitting.] 

The plum jam is so delicious, I doubt there will be any by the time you read this and demand some. Just like that, poof! Going, going...almost gone

Selfie Of A 20-Month Old

10 Steps to a Hollywood-Style Birth (not for the faint-hearted)

In Hollywood, from 'Honey i think its time!' to a plump, pink baby takes only 20 minutes

                 The mom smiles cheerily, wears make-up and looks fabulously delicious

Dear daughters big S & little S (I know, I know, I need new names for you two on this blog), 

I'm no octo-mom, I only have you two babies. But I've learnt a thing or two about birthing babies these past two years. As I begin writing this blog post, you, my big bold older one, are 19 months old and you, my teeny tiny vulnerable younger baby, you are just 10 days old. Am not sure how old you both will be when I finish writing this, since managing a newborn is quite the distraction and I keep leaving this post mid-sentence to meekly address either of your demands.

I write this because you are both girls and some day you might want to have your own babies. I'm sure we will create so many memories in the next few years that I will completely forget my birth experiences very quickly. Therefore, here is my story as I remember it vividly.

Contrary to all the horror birth stories you must have heard about, I am very happy with my birth stories. I am thrilled to report that I did have a Hollywood-style birth this time around. Sure, even the 'easiest' birth is ridiculously hard and leaves you feeling like something the cat dragged in but I believe that a good birth story is rare and can be immensely empowering to the mother and the person who listens to the story. 

Thank you, my babies, for being so co-operative through my pregnancies and births. You were both marvelous!

Here are my two cents on how to have that elusive Hollywood-style birth.Everything below assumes a healthy mom and a normal pregnancy with no complications, of course. (insert disclaimers galore)

10 STEPS TO A HOLLYWOOD-STYLE BIRTH 

1. HAVE A BIRTH PLAN 
When you know what you want the world will conspire to get you there. Try to envision the actual birth itself. Do not shut your eyes in fear. Visualization is half the job done. 

What is your ideal scene? A natural drug-free birth? A birth with minimal pain? A combination of both? A c-section? 

I was pretty clear that I did not want any pain medication. I am TERRIFIED of medication, especially the epidural, a cocktail injected into the spine to numb you waist downwards, and was mentally prepared for any amount of pain. 

Of course, the first time around whenever I said I wanted a "natural birth", people looked at me like I was one of those nut jobs who wanted to birth in a fragrant blue pool full of lotus flowers, incense and dancing mermaids. 

Maybe I was truly naive about how much pain labor involved the first time around. But I was fine. I survived. As a result, the second time around, I did have a feeling of 'been there done that' confidence. I am proud that I had two completely natural drug-free births. If I can do it, you both totally can. I have experienced how pig-headed and stubborn both of you are about getting your way so don't kid me about being scared. Na-ah!

If you want a natural birth, read Ina May's books. She is a midwife whose mission is to reduce the fear of birth in the U.S.

2. EXERCISE TILL YOU DROP...ERR...THE BABY DROPS
Exercise in pregnancy is all about focus on gravity, balance and movement. Anything you do should work with these three principles. Don't push it...listen to your body and exercise till you feel great, not till you pass out or something.

First trimester - Goal is to survive morning sickness and the fatigue that comes with being pregnant. Listen to your body, rest and exercise only when you really feel like it

Second trimester - Goal is to feel great and ensure you have increased flexibility and endurance. Think yoga, pilates, swimming

Third trimester - Goal is to have energy and  get your baby in the right position. Think walking and squats. The idea is to 'walk the baby down' so he/she settles head down, ready for 'blast-off'.

Also- sweep and swab floors in the third trimester. Full on desi style. Crawl on all fours. While you're at it, go on and rock your belly to make sure baby is head down and in anterior position. Sure it looks hilarious to anyone watching but it works.

3. EAT A RAINBOW A DAY

Enough people, including your doctor, best friend and mother-in-law will talk about eating healthy. You can google 'pregnancy nutrition' (if google exists when you read this) so am not going to go on. 

It all comes down to colorful vegetables and fruits...what I'm calling 'rainbow food'. Steel cut oatmeal. Dates in the last month. 

4. LINE UP YOUR LADIES

Through both my pregnancies and births, I relied on the power of sisterhood - women telling women what works.

If you have a woman friend who lives nearby and actually even remembers what her birth was like and has sage advice for you, great. I hired a doula (sort of like a midwife who helps you manage pain through water therapy, massage etc.) to help me with the pain.

If you want me, I will most willingly be there for you and help you through your big day. I want to give you the freedom and space to decide whether you want me there or not. 

In all this, am assuming you will have a great husband (partner...whatever) who will be your rock through the pregnancy and beyond. Your appa and the doula helped me through both my labor experiences and were simply superb sources of support for massages, emotions, confidence boosts, forbidden snacks, water and just plain eye contact. 

5. HAVE A PLAN-B
HEY! Reality check, girls. Even the best laid plans go awry when we are talking labor and delivery. Think of a back-up plan and be open to a complete overhaul to Plan A

My Plan A was to 'embrace pain'. Second time around i.e. 10 days ago, I was experiencing 3 days and nights of early labor and my pain was getting so intense at 4AM on Monday morning that all my best laid plans flew out of the window.

My Plan B therefore, as narrated to your appa, was to "have the baby ANYHOW, just take this darn pain away or I'll kill you!"  I remember telling your appa to "take me to the hospital, give me the epidural, cut me up and get this baby outta me". 

Thankfully, I had the baby very quickly and there was no time even for an IV hook-up, let alone an epidural. Some babies will have a complex journey into this world though so DO NOT beat yourself up if your birth does not go according to plan. It's fine. Move on.

5. DON'T BE SELF-CONSCIOUS
HAHAHAHAHHAHAA! This one's a joke because labor is so involving, there will be no time to be self-conscious. 

I have to say this because I know some women who feel that labor is undignified. The same women believe that a c-section is much cleaner and more dignified than a natural birth. Seriously?! We are talking MAJOR surgery here. Embrace the amazing body you have and marvel at how powerful nature is.

Story time: my water broke at the end of labor...in the elevator of my building as we were rushing to get into the car. I was in so much pain, I couldn't even walk. I had to literally crawl to the car...on all fours, from my doorstep to the car...no kidding. My neighbor saw me and must have thought it was some Indian religious ritual I was performing on all fours.

6. OBEY THE BODY'S MIND
I think the body has a mind of its own. Just go with the flow and listen to what the body is telling you. 

I was sure I was going to give birth in the car because I started pushing on the way to the hospital. And when baby decides to get out, there is nothing that will hold that determined baby back. Yep, am referring to you, little S.

7. GET VALET PARKING
This is no time to gingerly parallel park or save 5$ on parking. Yes, this is your ultra-savings-conscious-immigrant-desi-mom actually telling you to go ahead and splurge on valet parking. 

I must also tell you that when your appa pulled up in the hospital driveway and the valet asked "Valet parking, sir?",  he yelled all excitedly, Hollywood-style, "Yeah man, she's pushing!!!"

8. DELIVER BABY IN RECORD TIME
Since I had labored entirely at home and was ready to give birth in the car, it was no time before little S was born. My water broke at 7:18AM at home, we reached Prentice Women's Hospital at 7:30AM and you, little S, were born at 7:54AM with a flurry of activity all around

I was fully conscious, alert and thrilled to be done with the pain. And happy beyond belief to finally meet you!

9. WEAR MAKE-UP AND SMILE
I know this sounds frivolous and petty. Calm down. Hear me out.

Last time around, when I gave birth to big S, I thought packing any sort of make-up was a symbol of vanity. I decided that giving birth was such a huge and momentous event that make-up was a silly thing to even think about. I therefore, did not pack any and looked AWFUL in the pictures. 

This time around, I said vanity-shanity and packed some basic make-up. I actually wore lipstick and kaajal a couple of hours after giving birth and felt amazingly refreshed and energized. And I LOVE the pictures we took as a family.

10. TAKE CHOCOLATES FOR THE NURSES
Oh before I forget...I learnt this the hard way the first time around. Remember to pack some tasty treats for the nurses who take care of you postpartum. You might be just another woman in the postpartum ward to the nurses but once you offer them Hershey's Kisses, they surprisingly show up to your room to check on you more often and are just NICER to you. 

Life's little lessons learnt. Good luck!

Bad mothers send their kids to daycare...and other jokes

Believe it or not, I've heard someone actually SAY that comment aloud.

Well then, I'm a 'bad' mother in her opinion. and am fine with that!

Screw societal expectations. Parenthood, especially motherhood, is hard enough as is, without people around you putting pressure and expectations to live up to some ridiculous ideal.

The Guardian columnist Oliver James once offered a hierarchy of substitution that runs:

"Daddy is better than Granny is better than Nanny is better than Minder is better than daycare."

which suggests that you are resorting to the lowest form of help available if you choose to send your kid to daycare. Of course, the mom is the default primary care provider in this case. 

Here in the U.S, especially, there is a tendency to over-debate and over-analyze everything related to parenting. I remembering growing up in India constantly listening to someone or the other saying, "It takes a village to raise a child". Then why do I have this nagging feeling in the bottom of my tummy that motherhood seems a terribly lonely, opinionated and paranoid business these days?

It's almost as though parents need to justify every decision they make. I have heard myself say this stuff out aloud to people:
"Oh I wanted to have a natural birth" (err...what the?! Other mammals have natural births)
"Oh I wanted my parents to come over and help the first three months" (instead of my neighbor's puppy?)
"Oh I wanted to quit my corporate job and spend more time with my brand new baby" (because I decide what to do with my time and life) 

I digress. 

So why all the controversy around daycare?
Here's what the grand internet lists as the top negatives of daycare:
- Aggressive kids. Put your kids in daycare and they will bite a puppy
- Lack of attachment to parents. Put your kids in daycare and they will forget your name and worse, call you by your first name
- Expensive. Work your butt off and send your salary to daycare

Since I have your eyeballs right now, I will go-ahead and recommend my corny 'go with the F-L-O-W' approach to decide what baby-care situation is right for you. I think I will apply this principle for every parenting decision the first few years. 
F-L-O-W stands for : 
Family
Little One
Woman

- What's right for your family? 
Know your ambitions, your limitations. Are you and your spouse both extroverts? Do you derive energy from going to work and meeting and talking to multiple people? Do you want your child to 'socialize' from a very early age? Do you want to encourage independence from an early age in your kids?

- What's right for your little one?
Every kid is different. He or she isn't a subset of the parents' personality. Is she shy, sensitive? Is he gregarious and friendly from the start? Does she take time to socialize? Is he at the right age for a place outside home? Try a daycare situation for a week or two to figure out. Give it at least three days, please.
My wise doctor once said, 

"With kids, apply the three-day rule. Give anything new three consecutive days to decide whether it's right or not for her." 

- What's right for the mother? 
If mom ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. What does the mom want? Listen to her needs. If she wants a ridiculous combination of a babysitter, daycare as well as tons of hands-on parenting, like I do, go for it. 
Or, dear husbands everywhere, you're going to have one lousy year ahead! 
(Delightful husband A, are you reading this?!)

Of course, I'm not even raising my head above the home and considering the macro picture here. 
- The Government's stance on the issue
- Role of women in society
- Quality of day-cares in general in the country. I heard once from my friend AG that a Hyderabad-based daycare sent its kids out begging during the day!!! Naturally, there is paranoia around daycare in Hyderabad these days. 

Whatever you decide, THINK a ton, TALK to people who have seen both sides and have a TRIAL period before you decide. There! Those are my 3 Ts for this post. 

This is a pic from S's daycare, from when she was 11 months old. I peeped into the window because I was really curious about what the heck she does in there and saw her walking over to this little boy and giving him a toy! Precious!

How to shoo bad juju

'Rather than being your thoughts and emotions, be the awareness behind them' 

Eckhart Tolle

Everyday I strive to be the 'awareness' behind my thoughts and emotions. Some days, I let myself go and simply express my thoughts and emotions. and I accept that that's ok too.

Since I ranted in my previous post, and I do believe that good things don't happen to whiners, I wanted to balance out the potential bad juju in my life with thankfulness. That's how you shoo bad juju. 

Good juju, come on over. 

Thoo thoo. (Spits in air to ward off evil eye)

Juju-gods, are you listening, I ask?

I must say that the rant felt good AND bad. Good to purge, bad to be negative. I think exposing my weaknesses and vulnerabilities is what makes me and the rest of us more human. So...no regrets. 

Moving on, here's what I am thankful for at this 'rush hour' stage of my life. Thanks, C for the 'rush hour' reference in your comment to the previous post.

I am thankful for:

- My family: You make me feel loved, respected and cared for. You make me want to love, respect and care for you

- My job: It is a privilege to have a job and a partner who are perfectly creative, strategic and flexible at this stage of my life

- My friends: You make me laugh, you give me perspective and tell me it's ok to be bitchy, mean and needy at times

- My gym: You give me my me-time and energize me

- The weather right now: Not too hot, not too cold. Just right

- Music: You make me smile and little S dance...err....jump

- Healthy food: You make me feel active and energized

- Movies: You make me lose myself in another world

- Hot chai: YUM. You are my sinful indulgence

- Pilates: You make me fit, cool and....well...bendy

- Children's books: You make me feel like I'm the least talented, least creative person in the world and push me to read more of you to expand my horizons and try harder

- Credit cards and online shopping: You make me feel spendy powerful in control. I don't know the right word for you. It's like having the first crush - so overwhelmingly heady and powerful and yet flooded with a sense of helplessness

A solution to plastic bag clutter

When I lived in Madras and Bombay, I never really faced the 'plastic bag clutter' issue. I used and re-used cloth bags and very rarely accepted plastic bags from the stores. Carrying your own bag was the culture and it made sense. A little bit of inconvenience made a big difference to saving the world. So we all sucked it up and carried on.

Plastic has a different story here in the United States. I feel like I have to take double the thought and effort to save my home from getting submerged in a flood of plastic (so convenient) or paper (oh so pretty) bags.

Oh-kayz. Look at this basket of shamefulness.These are not the values I want to be imparting to S.

A and I finally have a solution to plastic bag clutter (and this might seem so 1990 to those of you who are already doing this!):

Say no to bags. 

End of story.

We shifted our hoarder attitude to a purger attitude. 

From

You never know when you'll really need it...someday

to

We don't need this, we have a better alternative.

Storing plastic bags so "we will reuse them someday" only adds height to the plastic bag mountain.

Storing paper bags because "oh they are so pretty and I'm sure we will use them to give someone something." only takes up valuable retail space in my apartment.

The check-out guy in stores usually asks me at the end of my purchase. "Paper or plastic?" as though this is a binary decision. I bought a ceramic bowl at Home Depot yesterday and turned down the paper wrap (a ream of paper to cover the fragile bowl) as well as the paper bag and decided to simply carry the bowl home. As is. 

I swear, while I was walking out, people looked at the bowl as thought it were a streaker in a tennis match. Running nude across the department store, with no care or shame that it was wearing absolutely no clothes. No paper wrap, no paper bag. Ohmigoodnessgracious! Call the cops! The Indian woman's stealing a bowl!

It's been just a week since A and I became resolute in our decision to turn down bags. We keep a cloth bag in the car and the stroller. We already feel great. 

My next plan is to launch phase 2 in a month's time:

Say no to plastic.

End of story. 

I know. Scary, right? But don't tell anyone just yet.

How to keep mum

A research study at work revealed that 'new moms' were the most opinionated cohort among all cohorts ever. (Explains why there are so many mommy blogs out there and why P&G is dying to get these mommy bloggers to talk and write about their superior products, huh?). I heard this when I was an exhausted, confused new mom who had just returned to work and was baffled. What - me? New mom - opinionated? No way - I had no clue how to do anything when it came to babies.

Fast forward to a year later and....I really need to learn to keep my mouth shut. Especially when talking to other moms. and ESPECIALLY when we start talking about my favorite topic- baby sleep.
Sleep - or the lack of it - was my state of being for the first nine months of motherhood. S was AWFUL about sleep. Since then, I rolled up my sleeves and decided that I was not going to crib, vent, rant or blame the baby for my sleep deprivation . Not any more. A and I devised a plan and taught S to sleep on her own. and wow, best decision ever. That was the start of teaching our child good sleeping habits. I admit, I tend to be quite fussy/rigid about when, where and how S should sleep and almost NEVER compromise on her sleep.

Now that I've written it loud and clear, am sure the Jinx God will come knocking at my door tonight! Darn.

Anyway - since then, I started to believe that if the mom (usually the primary caregiver) is not disciplined about the baby's sleep, the baby cannot be disciplined and independent about falling asleep on her own. I also started to have a very low tolerance for mom/dad/other well-wisher fatalistic, moralistic, helpless statements such as -
"Children will learn to sleep when they are ready. You need to suck it up now"
"We never slept for the first 2-3 years of our kids' lives so you should not expect to"
"I haven't slept for the past 6 years since I had my daughter"
"I make my child sleep at 10PM but she still wakes up early...I don't know why"
"This is the price of parenthood"
"Let the maid make the baby sleep, I'm done trying"

Of course, baby sleep sucks when the baby reaches new milestones or is unwell. I'm not talking about those exceptions here. I'm talking about a healthy, happy baby who wakes up  at night for no real reason.
Now, when S was born, I understood immediately that all children and unique and different and of course, there is no one formula that fits all. They are not robots. However, since witnessing that teaching S to sleep on her own was the only way we got any sleep and became, therefore, human once again, I've been dying to spread the joy to other sleep-deprived moms. In fact, when other mom friends started calling me for advice, I became more confident that my way was a great way...no...the only way.

Sigh. I need to learn to shut up! When my dear friends comment that they are exhausted and wish they never had kids, I get all worked up and emotional for them and get into my 'Helpful' Sleep Nazi mode = lecture mode. I typically dislike people who moralize, lecture and think there is one way to do things/live life. Sadly, I've observed myself fall in that category when it comes to baby sleep. I'm tired of seeing all my mom friends tired and can see the 'mistakes' they are making when it comes to their baby's sleep.

One fine day, though, I realized that you know what - some moms need to crib just to vent about motherhood. Because motherhood is the hardest job ever. Some moms DO have it harder than others. Some moms have almost no help with the baby and have to plod on alone. They have no village helping them raise their child. and some moms have babies who are fussier than others.

All of us have good days and bad ones. and babies who sleep well and babies who don't. I just need to remember that and accept that if my friends aren't sleeping well, they have a good reason for living that way and it's not my business to 'help' them out.

#nomoreinterfering

Tell me, I'm curious:
When do you find it hardest to keep your mouth shut and not share an opinion?

Typical sleep story in my home