Friday, September 20, 2013

If we are not in touch, YOU are 50% to blame

Yes, this is a rant. 

Because I am starting to get pissed. and hormonal. and running out of patience. 

I am so sick of listening to people, both family and friends, whine away:

X: Oh but you never call
me (thinking): Neither do YOU. 
You don't call on birthdays, you don't call on Deepavali or New Year's, you don't call on weekends, ohwaitaminit, you have actually NEVER called me once since I moved out of India

X:Oh but it's been so hard to stay in touch with you since you moved to the US
me: Why is that? You have a mobile phone, you know how to text, you are on whatsapp, you are on Facebook, you are on Yahoo, you are on Google and you know how to use email. You have no excuse. At least you can return my calls

X: Oh you know how it is in India, so many people, so many demands, I have no time to even pause and think
me: Yes, I actually DO know. I lived there most of my life. I also know that people have people to help them at home, people watch movies at the cinema frequently, sit glued to the TV for hours on end, go out to eat often and bitch about how their lives suck and seem to have quite a bit of time to talk to other people ABOUT me. Why not suck it and call me or write to me? If you have so much time to dedicate to Mrs.XYZ who visited you last week, how come you don't have the time to say a humble hi to me? 
Be frank and say that I rank low on your priority list so don't expect me to rank you high.

X: Oh you are the younger one here, it's understood that you should call me
me: Seriously, have you checked the day and age we live in? Humans are equals in communication-expectation unless you are my grandmother and are technologically challenged. If you are anyone else and are older and wiser, I could benefit from hearing about your life experiences. Call me to distribute your gyaan at least

X: I am so busy
me: Yes, I know all about it. I have my hands full too. Let's not get me started on that

It takes two to make a relationship. If you want to be really close and not just pay lip-service, it takes a balance of frankness and assertiveness as well as true understanding and patience. If you are the sort who is whiny and lazy and still feel like you have some right to expect me to do all the communication work when I'm in the busiest phase of my life, you are delusional. Or you think you are entitled...for no apparent reason.

Please understand that there are lifestages that people go through and each has its share of busy seasons. I understand when you are busy and cannot call. Just don't have this unfair expectation that I should be the only one doing the calling and then whine.

There are three things any relationship needs to stay strong:
Time, Talk and Teamwork. How about you fitting me into your calendar sometime this year, huh? Maybe we can talk and try to work as a team to figure this out.

Oh and you just fell off my list of people to really care about. 


  1. Sounds like you're getting this from older relatives!

    1. Goin fine :)
      Nice blog you got seem to be posting in bursts!

  2. Time, talk and teamwork... I love that. :)

    Gretchen Rubin ( describes your current lifestage as the "rush hour of life." I think it's hard for people not in your lifestage to relate, even if they've been there themselves long ago.

    1. Truth - I heard that somewhere, it's not mine. Ooooh! I love the phrase "rush hour of life". I can understand that it's hard for those outside the lifestage to relate. I think it's the one-sided expectation in relationships that gets to me the most. But then I guess we all give some and get some. And not always from the same person. :-) I am guilty of 'working' less at other relationships.