When did super heroes enter your life?

Am referring to imaginary super heroes here, not your real life knight in shining armor or even our Indian Chuck Norris, the cultural icon, superstar thalaiva, Rajnikant.

This man checks his Facebook account daily...on a typewriter

My sordid love affair with super heroes began when I started reading torn, tattered, well thumbed (and eaten on) copies of Mandrake the magician comics borrowed from the local Easwari Lending Library in Chennai. I think I was 8 or 9 years old then.

Then onwards, I devoured the typical Superman, Spiderman and Batman series and pretty much anything from Marvel comics because my (cousin) brother would borrow them from the library and leave them around the house. I don't think I would've chosen them myself but I loved reading them anyway.

Confession - I credit my relationship with super heroes to my speed of eating. I eat SO slowly, even today, that I need some other form of entertainment during lunch and dinner time. I was never a big TV fan. Therefore: Enter, comics. 

Since then, I moved onto reading graphic novels like the Watchmen and not really much else in the super hero genre. I branched out to reading other comics, which I love. That's for another blog post, though.

The husband is a hardcore, much bigger fan of Marvel and DC comics and heroes such as the Green Lantern, the Fantastic Four, Teen Titans and the like. I gifted the Wolverine for A's birthday recently. We had watched the movie recently and I was curious about that graphic novel. What a win-win gift, I say! Pssst! Can't wait to read it soon.

Precious' current real-life super hero is Blankie. And guess what? Blankie just got a promotion. Little S recently showed us that she's been bitten by the imaginary super hero gene too. She has started her relationship with super heroes pretty early, I must say.

INTRODUCING THE INDESTRUCTIBLE, EVER-LASTING AND POWERFUL....Drumroll please...SUPER BLANKIE!

Precious' first super hero 

Thank you, Dg, for gifting this amazingly perfect toddler board book that launches 

Super Blankie -

 Little S now runs all around the house wearing Blankie as a cape and screaming (or whispering furtively, depending on her mood),

Super Blankie!!!

Bad mothers send their kids to daycare...and other jokes

Believe it or not, I've heard someone actually SAY that comment aloud.

Well then, I'm a 'bad' mother in her opinion. and am fine with that!

Screw societal expectations. Parenthood, especially motherhood, is hard enough as is, without people around you putting pressure and expectations to live up to some ridiculous ideal.

The Guardian columnist Oliver James once offered a hierarchy of substitution that runs:

"Daddy is better than Granny is better than Nanny is better than Minder is better than daycare."

which suggests that you are resorting to the lowest form of help available if you choose to send your kid to daycare. Of course, the mom is the default primary care provider in this case. 

Here in the U.S, especially, there is a tendency to over-debate and over-analyze everything related to parenting. I remembering growing up in India constantly listening to someone or the other saying, "It takes a village to raise a child". Then why do I have this nagging feeling in the bottom of my tummy that motherhood seems a terribly lonely, opinionated and paranoid business these days?

It's almost as though parents need to justify every decision they make. I have heard myself say this stuff out aloud to people:
"Oh I wanted to have a natural birth" (err...what the?! Other mammals have natural births)
"Oh I wanted my parents to come over and help the first three months" (instead of my neighbor's puppy?)
"Oh I wanted to quit my corporate job and spend more time with my brand new baby" (because I decide what to do with my time and life) 

I digress. 

So why all the controversy around daycare?
Here's what the grand internet lists as the top negatives of daycare:
- Aggressive kids. Put your kids in daycare and they will bite a puppy
- Lack of attachment to parents. Put your kids in daycare and they will forget your name and worse, call you by your first name
- Expensive. Work your butt off and send your salary to daycare

Since I have your eyeballs right now, I will go-ahead and recommend my corny 'go with the F-L-O-W' approach to decide what baby-care situation is right for you. I think I will apply this principle for every parenting decision the first few years. 
F-L-O-W stands for : 
Family
Little One
Woman

- What's right for your family? 
Know your ambitions, your limitations. Are you and your spouse both extroverts? Do you derive energy from going to work and meeting and talking to multiple people? Do you want your child to 'socialize' from a very early age? Do you want to encourage independence from an early age in your kids?

- What's right for your little one?
Every kid is different. He or she isn't a subset of the parents' personality. Is she shy, sensitive? Is he gregarious and friendly from the start? Does she take time to socialize? Is he at the right age for a place outside home? Try a daycare situation for a week or two to figure out. Give it at least three days, please.
My wise doctor once said, 

"With kids, apply the three-day rule. Give anything new three consecutive days to decide whether it's right or not for her." 

- What's right for the mother? 
If mom ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. What does the mom want? Listen to her needs. If she wants a ridiculous combination of a babysitter, daycare as well as tons of hands-on parenting, like I do, go for it. 
Or, dear husbands everywhere, you're going to have one lousy year ahead! 
(Delightful husband A, are you reading this?!)

Of course, I'm not even raising my head above the home and considering the macro picture here. 
- The Government's stance on the issue
- Role of women in society
- Quality of day-cares in general in the country. I heard once from my friend AG that a Hyderabad-based daycare sent its kids out begging during the day!!! Naturally, there is paranoia around daycare in Hyderabad these days. 

Whatever you decide, THINK a ton, TALK to people who have seen both sides and have a TRIAL period before you decide. There! Those are my 3 Ts for this post. 

This is a pic from S's daycare, from when she was 11 months old. I peeped into the window because I was really curious about what the heck she does in there and saw her walking over to this little boy and giving him a toy! Precious!

Bumbling into Books - 1

I'm starting a monthly series called 'Bumbling into Books'. 

In general, it will be about children's books and in specific, it will be about the books S currently loves or books I am planning to read out to her.

Here are the books my 16-month old toddler & I bumbled into this September:

S loves saying "Aggle flaggle klabble" and "wumby chumby"

Thanks, SP, for the recommendation!

S cannot stop saying "no!", cos it's finally her turn to say "no" to me ;)

Thanks, SP, for the recommendation!

S thinks tigers love tea. 

For some strange reason, she calls the tiger "A--- anna", one of her friends' names. He is M&D's son

What books do you want to add to this list?

We like name-calling in our home

A and I yell out Precious' name even when we are calling out to each other. This is a sure case of lost identities, methinks. Are we now parents first and then husband and wife to each other?

Scary.

When I was younger, my grandmother used to call out her daughter, daughters-in-law and then grand daughter's names before she finally landed on mine. She blamed her forgetfulness on old age. My FIL does the same thing, he calls out for his sister, daughter and then finally arrives at his grand daughter's name! 

A and I don't even have the 'we are getting old and losing memory' excuse! We remain young-ish.

Speaking of young things and name-calling - S has learnt our names and loves calling us by name now, the little imp. She was SO kicked that just like her, her parents have names too. I guess it's inevitable that she calls me by my name when nobody else around me refers to me as 'amma'. I spent all of last week correcting her and trying to add an 'amma' after my name and 'appa' after A's name. 

We are getting there slowly. 

When I lived in India, I used to naively think that American kids referred to their parents by their first names. Except Archie Andrews and his gang, who sometimes had 'mom's and 'pop's in their homes. Now that I have American friends, I know that's not true at all. Most of my friends might call their in-laws by first name, but usually not their own parents. It's just not natural to address your parent by his or her first name.

But last week, S did make me wonder if she was going the 'first name' route. I was surprised that I instinctively didn't like it one bit. At least we have some illusion of 'control' and 'discipline' because S is only 16 months old. 

I shudder to think of what names she will call us in her teenage years!

How to shoo bad juju

'Rather than being your thoughts and emotions, be the awareness behind them' 

Eckhart Tolle

Everyday I strive to be the 'awareness' behind my thoughts and emotions. Some days, I let myself go and simply express my thoughts and emotions. and I accept that that's ok too.

Since I ranted in my previous post, and I do believe that good things don't happen to whiners, I wanted to balance out the potential bad juju in my life with thankfulness. That's how you shoo bad juju. 

Good juju, come on over. 

Thoo thoo. (Spits in air to ward off evil eye)

Juju-gods, are you listening, I ask?

I must say that the rant felt good AND bad. Good to purge, bad to be negative. I think exposing my weaknesses and vulnerabilities is what makes me and the rest of us more human. So...no regrets. 

Moving on, here's what I am thankful for at this 'rush hour' stage of my life. Thanks, C for the 'rush hour' reference in your comment to the previous post.

I am thankful for:

- My family: You make me feel loved, respected and cared for. You make me want to love, respect and care for you

- My job: It is a privilege to have a job and a partner who are perfectly creative, strategic and flexible at this stage of my life

- My friends: You make me laugh, you give me perspective and tell me it's ok to be bitchy, mean and needy at times

- My gym: You give me my me-time and energize me

- The weather right now: Not too hot, not too cold. Just right

- Music: You make me smile and little S dance...err....jump

- Healthy food: You make me feel active and energized

- Movies: You make me lose myself in another world

- Hot chai: YUM. You are my sinful indulgence

- Pilates: You make me fit, cool and....well...bendy

- Children's books: You make me feel like I'm the least talented, least creative person in the world and push me to read more of you to expand my horizons and try harder

- Credit cards and online shopping: You make me feel spendy powerful in control. I don't know the right word for you. It's like having the first crush - so overwhelmingly heady and powerful and yet flooded with a sense of helplessness