A list for new moms

Check: 10 fingers, 10 toes

Have two hands? Well - you're all set to take care of a baby. End of list.

Yes, yes, I do believe that babies need nothing but their loving parents around them the first few months. 

But in today's realistic world, in which babies poop, parents don't live in grass huts and we don't anymore give birth by the riverside listening to a babbling brook, there are some basics that just make life easier during those crazy, overwhelming first few months. More so when you are someone who lives in a 'foreign' country and want a mish-mash of multiple cultures and philosophies to child-rearing.

From experience, here is my baby essentials wish-list, rooted in basic needs and contributed to by several of my girlfriends:

We have too many things in brown in our home (including ourselves HAHA) so we got white. Plus, it just screams "baby!" when you buy things in white.

BABY WILL SLEEP Even if you plan to go the desi way and co-sleep right through, it's  comforting to have a safe place to put down the baby and go get that shower.

• Crib: 1 IKEA SUNDVIK white 
• Mattress: 1 IKEA crib mattress 
• Mattress pad: 1 absorbent mattress pad
• Crib sheet: 2 Fitted crib sheets

• Swaddle blankets: If you want the baby to sleep anywhere besides your arms, you better be swaddling! I found Aden and Anais swaddle blankets the best, though some folks I know swear by the ready swaddles such as the miracle blanket

• White noise machine: Essential to use white noise if you have a sensitive baby who wakes up whenever you breathe (politically correct term for fart). Don't waste money on a machine, just get the Sleep Pillow app if you have a smartphone

• An alternative to a crib is a co-sleeper bassinet: The arm's reach co-sleeper is hands down the best. We ended up having the baby right beside us the first 4-5 months and wanted a small unit, something that easily fit into our bedroom. We borrowed our friend's co-sleeper and loved it. 

BONUS! You won't need to banish the husband to the couch just because you want to hear every breath your newborn makes right beside you
DOUBLE BONUS!! Baby might sleep so soundly you might leave baby in the room with husband and move to the couch

This might be more expensive than the crib you want. Beg, borrow or steal this co-sleeper cos baby won't fit in this after ~4 months

BABY WILL TRAVEL

• Car seat: Yawn! Graco snugride rear-facing infant car seat. Safe and boring. I fond car seat shopping SO blah. But this one works. 

Warning: All babies HATE their car seat for the first few weeks and will scream bloody murder when they sit in it. If you are driving with your parents or in-laws in the car, both you and they will be traumatized by the baby-screaming experience. This will cause a rift in the family. You will curse U.S safety laws to death. One day, though, baby will wake up and climb into the car seat with unexplained joy...and you'll want to slap someone. With happiness.

• Stroller: We bought a stroller only after 2-3 months, once we could figure out what we wanted in one. Till then we just used a Graco car seat stroller frame. 

After much debate between the City Mini and UPPA Baby, we splurged and went for a yummy red UPPA Baby Cruz. The 180 degree recline, large basket and light weight was worth every penny - our UPPA baby has been awesome for S's naps on the go on vacation, meal times outdoors and saved my back during grocery time. 

Make sure you get the infant car sear adapter and the parent organizer accessories.

Warning: Denny will quickly become your second baby. You'll want to push it around even without baby in it.

BONUS! I heard somewhere that strollers are the new cars - they add cool factor for dad and ensure that he loves taking the baby out
DOUBLE BONUS!! Mom can veg out and catch-up on mindless trash TV

• Baby carrier: Try to borrow a friend's for the first few days to see which carrier you guys and the baby like best. Our friend MC lent us the Baby Bjorn, it worked for S and we didn't experiment. We also bought a Sleepy Wrap, was great to head out to brunch with a tiny newborn snugly tucked inside the wrap



Free! Lady with wrap

If you're searching for the ideal one for you, check out Babble's super cool research on the best carriers of 2013

• Diaper bag: Diaper Dude for a large option, so dad can carry the big fat bag. Land's end Little tripper for a smaller option

BABY WILL POOP

• Diapers: Pamper, huggies, cloth diapers or nude bums? We just bought Pampers in bulk from amazon because our hospital started us on that and it worked
• Wipes: We just used a damp Bounty because we didn't want chemicals on S's gorgeous tush just yet. We used Pampers sensitive wipes for travel
• Changing sheet/pad: Helps to have a changing pad with a washable cover so baby pee and poop doesn't get all over the place! Someone recommended that we buy a 4-sided pad but I don't think it makes a difference, really
• Diaper rash cream: Desitin
• Vaseline or Aquaphor or Weleda creams: Apply before putting on new diaper

BABY WILL EAT

• Nursing cover: Go wild choosing pretty prints on amazon
• Boppy pillow
• Bottles: I just used the Medela bottles the first few months. S refused to take a bottle after a month or so and I had to buy every single bottle in the market to see which one she liked. I suggest NUK, Medela or Lansinoh bottles if you don't know where to begin
• Bottle brush

MOMMY WILL NEED TO FEEL LIKE A HUMAN NOT COW

• Nursing pajamas: Love the Japanese weekend brand
• Nightgowns: Ask mom or mil to bring you night gowns from India - you know, those shady ones with a long zipper in front - best thing ever if you plan to nurse. 

BONUS! You can always experience the joy of burning them later...
DOUBLE BONUS!! You can rip them apart with your bare hands and then experience the joy of burning them later

• Recliner or rocking chair with ottoman: I couldn't praise the Dutailier rocker-glider more. I have family from India who want to buy and take one back with them

Fake photo alert: See how happy the mamma is, huh? 

• An iPhone: No, really, this phone with headphones saved me those first few weeks of nursing non-stop. I watched movies, wrote emails and read books on the Kindle app. I also threw it on husband A to wake him up when I wanted him to change S's diaper. Hehe!

BABY WILL NOT UN-FRIEND YOU ON FACEBOOK IF YOU DON'T BUY THESE BUT THESE ARE NICE-TO-HAVE SPLURGES THAT MY FRIENDS SWEAR BY

• A stroller with a bassinet option: Nice option because you can step out for a walk, make the baby sleep in the stroller and then bring the stroller bassinet into the bedroom without waking up the baby. If you feel splurgy enough to get a Bugaboo, great! The UPPA baby Vista and Cruz also offer sturdy bassinets as optional accessories. 
• Baby video monitor:  Dropcam. Can see baby from anywhere in the world. No, seriously
• Bouncy seat: Bjorn babysitter balance. Plop baby in it and take to the loo when you are alone at home and gotta go
• Bath tub: Some people use the kitchen sink the first few months then switch to the big tub. I used this baby tub with sling
• First-aid kit: This is actually not just a nice-to-have, it's a must-have. What you want in this depends on how paranoid you are. Ask your doctor and friends for recommendations.

Whew. That was a long post. If you actually made it this far, go ahead and add anything you thought saved your life those first few months. Even your therapist's phone number

The girl with the mustard tooth

A cup of mustard from my kitchen...
on a blankie that my talented mom knit

This is a sneak peek into the pre-quel for "The girl with the dragon tattoo"...NOT!

Our little Precious S has been talking non-stop for quite a few months now. She is curious, alert and responsive to new words with an irresistible magnetic...auditory?...attraction. 

One of the new words she loves is the Tamil word for mustard - Kadugu. Whenever she chews something or is sticking her finger into her mouth and we ask her what she has in her mouth, she responds in all earnestness, "Kadugu"

Two weeks ago she was drooling incessantly and kept saying that she had kadugu in her mouth. I thought it was her usual cute way or practicing her new vocabulary...

until one morning she woke up and opened her mouth and said Kadugu and lo and behold! Her seventh tooth had popped up overnight! Poor baby must have been in teething pain the previous few weeks and felt as though she had a bit of mustard in her tooth.

As her very over-excited mom who even counts peeing on the carpet as a unique milestone, I informed her with all the enthusiasm I could muster:

"YAY! You have a new pallu (tooth), kanna!"

"Kadugu"

"No, no, it's not kadugu, it's pallu....here, look in the mirror!"

"Kadugu"

and thus was born our girl with the mustard tooth.

When did super heroes enter your life?

Am referring to imaginary super heroes here, not your real life knight in shining armor or even our Indian Chuck Norris, the cultural icon, superstar thalaiva, Rajnikant.

This man checks his Facebook account daily...on a typewriter

My sordid love affair with super heroes began when I started reading torn, tattered, well thumbed (and eaten on) copies of Mandrake the magician comics borrowed from the local Easwari Lending Library in Chennai. I think I was 8 or 9 years old then.

Then onwards, I devoured the typical Superman, Spiderman and Batman series and pretty much anything from Marvel comics because my (cousin) brother would borrow them from the library and leave them around the house. I don't think I would've chosen them myself but I loved reading them anyway.

Confession - I credit my relationship with super heroes to my speed of eating. I eat SO slowly, even today, that I need some other form of entertainment during lunch and dinner time. I was never a big TV fan. Therefore: Enter, comics. 

Since then, I moved onto reading graphic novels like the Watchmen and not really much else in the super hero genre. I branched out to reading other comics, which I love. That's for another blog post, though.

The husband is a hardcore, much bigger fan of Marvel and DC comics and heroes such as the Green Lantern, the Fantastic Four, Teen Titans and the like. I gifted the Wolverine for A's birthday recently. We had watched the movie recently and I was curious about that graphic novel. What a win-win gift, I say! Pssst! Can't wait to read it soon.

Precious' current real-life super hero is Blankie. And guess what? Blankie just got a promotion. Little S recently showed us that she's been bitten by the imaginary super hero gene too. She has started her relationship with super heroes pretty early, I must say.

INTRODUCING THE INDESTRUCTIBLE, EVER-LASTING AND POWERFUL....Drumroll please...SUPER BLANKIE!

Precious' first super hero 

Thank you, Dg, for gifting this amazingly perfect toddler board book that launches 

Super Blankie -

 Little S now runs all around the house wearing Blankie as a cape and screaming (or whispering furtively, depending on her mood),

Super Blankie!!!

Bad mothers send their kids to daycare...and other jokes

Believe it or not, I've heard someone actually SAY that comment aloud.

Well then, I'm a 'bad' mother in her opinion. and am fine with that!

Screw societal expectations. Parenthood, especially motherhood, is hard enough as is, without people around you putting pressure and expectations to live up to some ridiculous ideal.

The Guardian columnist Oliver James once offered a hierarchy of substitution that runs:

"Daddy is better than Granny is better than Nanny is better than Minder is better than daycare."

which suggests that you are resorting to the lowest form of help available if you choose to send your kid to daycare. Of course, the mom is the default primary care provider in this case. 

Here in the U.S, especially, there is a tendency to over-debate and over-analyze everything related to parenting. I remembering growing up in India constantly listening to someone or the other saying, "It takes a village to raise a child". Then why do I have this nagging feeling in the bottom of my tummy that motherhood seems a terribly lonely, opinionated and paranoid business these days?

It's almost as though parents need to justify every decision they make. I have heard myself say this stuff out aloud to people:
"Oh I wanted to have a natural birth" (err...what the?! Other mammals have natural births)
"Oh I wanted my parents to come over and help the first three months" (instead of my neighbor's puppy?)
"Oh I wanted to quit my corporate job and spend more time with my brand new baby" (because I decide what to do with my time and life) 

I digress. 

So why all the controversy around daycare?
Here's what the grand internet lists as the top negatives of daycare:
- Aggressive kids. Put your kids in daycare and they will bite a puppy
- Lack of attachment to parents. Put your kids in daycare and they will forget your name and worse, call you by your first name
- Expensive. Work your butt off and send your salary to daycare

Since I have your eyeballs right now, I will go-ahead and recommend my corny 'go with the F-L-O-W' approach to decide what baby-care situation is right for you. I think I will apply this principle for every parenting decision the first few years. 
F-L-O-W stands for : 
Family
Little One
Woman

- What's right for your family? 
Know your ambitions, your limitations. Are you and your spouse both extroverts? Do you derive energy from going to work and meeting and talking to multiple people? Do you want your child to 'socialize' from a very early age? Do you want to encourage independence from an early age in your kids?

- What's right for your little one?
Every kid is different. He or she isn't a subset of the parents' personality. Is she shy, sensitive? Is he gregarious and friendly from the start? Does she take time to socialize? Is he at the right age for a place outside home? Try a daycare situation for a week or two to figure out. Give it at least three days, please.
My wise doctor once said, 

"With kids, apply the three-day rule. Give anything new three consecutive days to decide whether it's right or not for her." 

- What's right for the mother? 
If mom ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. What does the mom want? Listen to her needs. If she wants a ridiculous combination of a babysitter, daycare as well as tons of hands-on parenting, like I do, go for it. 
Or, dear husbands everywhere, you're going to have one lousy year ahead! 
(Delightful husband A, are you reading this?!)

Of course, I'm not even raising my head above the home and considering the macro picture here. 
- The Government's stance on the issue
- Role of women in society
- Quality of day-cares in general in the country. I heard once from my friend AG that a Hyderabad-based daycare sent its kids out begging during the day!!! Naturally, there is paranoia around daycare in Hyderabad these days. 

Whatever you decide, THINK a ton, TALK to people who have seen both sides and have a TRIAL period before you decide. There! Those are my 3 Ts for this post. 

This is a pic from S's daycare, from when she was 11 months old. I peeped into the window because I was really curious about what the heck she does in there and saw her walking over to this little boy and giving him a toy! Precious!

Bumbling into Books - 1

I'm starting a monthly series called 'Bumbling into Books'. 

In general, it will be about children's books and in specific, it will be about the books S currently loves or books I am planning to read out to her.

Here are the books my 16-month old toddler & I bumbled into this September:

S loves saying "Aggle flaggle klabble" and "wumby chumby"

Thanks, SP, for the recommendation!

S cannot stop saying "no!", cos it's finally her turn to say "no" to me ;)

Thanks, SP, for the recommendation!

S thinks tigers love tea. 

For some strange reason, she calls the tiger "A--- anna", one of her friends' names. He is M&D's son

What books do you want to add to this list?